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Anonymous Post From a Client About Being a Stepmom

December 18, 2014

Background: This anonymous post comes from a client’s wife who unconditionally loves her step son despite being sidelined by the system and the dynamic in which the child came into the world. Here are her unfiltered thoughts:

“What qualities make a stepmom worthy of praise and satisfaction? We have done an extreme injustice to stepmoms in this country. The boundaries of what we should and shouldn’t do are so lost. No one has an answer that feels good. Thanks to Cinderella we stepmoms have a stigma attached that may never go away. People dismiss us all the time! You’re the only one willing to sacrifice and call into work to take your sick stepson to the doctor because God forbid a man calls into work in our corporate world for a “sick kid”, and God forbid his “real” mom takes time away from her needs to do it. And no one says thanks or acknowledges a damn bit of what you do. He needs an allergist, you’re the only one who spends enough time with him to even know he needs an allergist. He needs to work on a project for school and you’re the only one who reminds him or is invested in his grades. He needs new clothes because he hit a growth spurt and you’re the only one who will spend the money or the time to take him. Better yet you’re the only one who noticed he grew out of his clothes. The “real” mom wants the dad to “supply” all his needs. Meanwhile she’s doing happy hours, pedicures, shopping, dating, etc. The dad wants his child support to “supply” his needs. Unless he spent his life savings winning custody. In that case the “real” mom has the whole world feeling sorry for her and giving her monetary handouts. Please. If you lost custody especially in the state of Texas then bet your booty you are not a good mother. Yet as a stepmom you are supposed to go above and beyond to be the most consistent, loving, patient mom of all time. This sounds like a job no one wants hu? I have a secret. I love the job! Guess what sweet child will remember who was always there for them? And for doctors visits? And traditions? And cookies at school for the winter party? And money for the book fair? And prescription refills? It’s me. While everyone else is tallying and hateful I’m making beautiful memories with a handsome young man who will always respect me and love me and trust me no matter what. You simply can’t beat that with your corporate job or your stupid meaningless words. Kids see action and they will always remember who was really there. I’m changing the life of a child and that is something no one can take away or even compete with.”

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