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I Am Not Doing Christmas Cards

December 16, 2014

The first step in having it all is to cross half the things you need to do off your list. Here are the things I have crossed off my list: vegetables at every dinner, birthday parties, hand towels with holiday themes, a clean car, thank you notes, gym workouts, coupon clipping, pleasure reading, facials, making things from scratch, cleaning my own house, deleting old emails, organizing my own closet, responding to all texts, and Christmas cards.

Moms do way too many things that don’t matter. Having a Christmas card doesn’t make you a better person. I promise. I read that in the Bible. No one actually cares if they got your Christmas card. Sure they enjoy seeing your “having-it-all-ness” and for a moment your card is at the top of the stack. But since when does spending a couple Saturdays picking out a card and arguing with your children about what they will wear and how many times they need to smile for the camera sound like a good use of time? Don’t even get me started with the eye-rolling husbands. The cost is pretty steep too, at least a dollar for the card and 49 cents for the stamp. I truly wonder why practically everyone sends one out. Step away from the herd people.

When your household runs like mine and rush hour starts the second you get home – its dinner, bath and brush your teeth before you have any quality time with your child. Its hard enough to have the peace of mind to throw in some time outs and green beans, check the school’s list of disorganized reminders for pajama drives, and make sure they don’t choke on their food. A pajama drive – really? I check my mail every couple of days. Usually its just BCBS denying a claim for something or a $70 ticket for getting caught on a red light camera. If I wanted to do Christmas cards, I’d have to keep track of addresses right? Bahahahaa. . . Ugh. There is just no way. Speaking of tradition, the Elf on the Shelf sounds like a horrible person.

OMG – I just got a text from my housekeeper. She fired me.

Back to my point, for those of you out there looking for an excuse to “forget to do cards”, consider yourself validated. I’m trying to start a trend here. Lower the standard people! The things we toil over are not important!

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